Mourning Ellyn has become a very enduring writing project that took its start in 2002. Originally entitled Remembering Ellyn, the manuscript had taken on meaning and depth. Not only a very therapuetic tool during a time of my life when I had experienced a true heartbreak from a relationship, the story, the characters, the depth of emotion and realization helped me in many ways.
Yet, it was not just a manuscript of therapy, but a manuscript of a story that was awaiting to receive its own voice, style and reason to be told. A story of one man’s loss, overcoming that loss and finding a sense of redemption and newness.
At first, the original draft started off where the character – Jaymes – had stepped off a Greyhound bus in downtown Olympia and stepped into a restaurant, The Spar Cafe, and coming across an old girlfriend of his and their reunion, reminiscience and newness of love. After thirty pages into this plot idea, I had lost inspiration and creative stream. Words were no longer coming to me, images, voices (yes, my characters actually talk in my head – no, I am perfectly sane as any other writer, lol) and all types of scenarios, scenes, action, events and even emotions. Yet, to no avail, the screen of my mind became blank.
Brooding for a couple days, I started thinking about my life, about some of the pain. I started playing the what if? game. What if I crossed paths with my own daughter that I have not seen since she was three years old (she will be eleven come this March) when she is a young adult? How would she feel? How would I feel. As I posed these questions to myself, my thoughts started returning, playing out different scenarios. Suddenly, I started jotting down words, those words turned into sentences and more questions started arising from the initial ones. What if I crossed paths, not only with my daughter but her mother? What will happen with the dynamics here? I started writing and thinking more upon these lines. It was not until I decided to through in a twist. What would happen if the character were married to his soul mate, and she had passed on. Not that she died of natural causes, but what if she were murdered, but this was not revealed until the end of the story? The more I thought, the more I started writing this.
Initially, the story had started where Jaymes woke up to his sister-in-law being intimate with him as he was dreaming of his beloved wife. Again, the creative thoughts stopped and nothing seemed to be pouring out of me. During all this, I started seeing a lady I had worked with at the time and the more we talked, the more we spent time together, the more I started thinking of how to develop the plot more fully. Soon, another change came about when I decided to make the character’s wife a very enduring and powerful individual that the reader could relate too. Granted, the story is more about Jaymes and his perspective and how he deals with the loss of his wife, I wanted the reader to fully feel the loss. Wanted the readers to see themselves as Jaymes, experiencing the heartwrenching pain and rediscovery of strengths and happiness. Thus, upon these lines, I started rewriting the draft again. Days and nights blended into one as I kept writing. The only time I stopped were to sleep, eat, work. Yet, nothing else seemed to matter and within thirty days had a very rough draft of the story.
Once the draft was completed, I decided to start working on the rewrite and the more I played around with different scenerios and ideas, I began to flesh out the characters, the plot, the voice and the style.
What ended up happening, after many drafts, transitions and personal circumstances, I refused to let this story drop.
Eventually, this led to the present draft that I am posting here in separate pages. These separate blog pages represent the chapters of the latest draft that was used (unbeknownst to me) in the publication of the manuscript.
Finally, after spending many hours, rewriting the manuscript, I had discussed the possibility of publishing this manuscript and finding a way to have it edited and ready to be published. A new publishing company started up and I was requested to submit the manuscript. I did so and excitement turned into a long enduring process with its own transitions.
It was not until the spring of 2006 when I began realizing that there was a sense that the book would not be published. Voicing my concerns, I was assured that everything was under control. I had yet to see any edited manuscripts come my way. It was not until January of 2006 when I received a shipment of six books. Excited, I reviewed the book, enjoying the cover design, thankful that, finally, I had accomplished something and was finally published.
Unfortunately, this joy turned into dismay when I looked over the printed book in my hands. The manuscript was the draft I had sent them, no editing had been done, the technical format was atrocious and realization set in. When I discussed this with the publisher, I was assured that everything will be done to correct the issues brought up. A month turned into 6 months when the facts started surfacing as to the nature of the publishers ineptness to hold to the contract and agreement. Eventually, all this led to me requesting the dissolution of my contract with NF Publishing and I was shipped 30 plus books that would never see the bookshelves. Only one person purchased the work of fiction from Amazon.com, others had received copies signed by myself with the warning of its poor quality and construct.
Dismayed at all this, I had myself almost convinced that I would never ever realize my dream of becoming a published author and only just write as a way of habit and hobby.
One thing is for sure, after almost a year of not writing anything, the bug to write, the thoughts, the voices, the imagery would not quiet down and I started focusing on writing again.
And, now, as we are drawing close to the end of 2008, I have spent the last year working out various rewriting drafts of this wonderful story. If it is the only book I will ever publish in my lifetime, I will not give up on this project because I have come very close to realizing one goal and why should I even bother giving up becuase of a set back?
I have never truly given up on my life when things have gotten worse, when there was nothing I had at one time. Why, then, would I give up on my talent to write and share those things that I enjoy creating?
Thus, here is the full manuscript for you to read. Keep in mind that it is a draft that is full of typos, poor grammar and needs to be rewritten, streamlined and edited. Yet, still, it is something for those who are looking for something entertaining, thought provoking and powerful to read.
Also, do not hesitate to leave your thoughts and comments, critiques and suggestions as to what you have read. These suggestions and comments will definitely be considered in rewriting the next draft.
Recent Comments