Georgia met Jaymes at Percival landing. The weather debating on either rain or shine. Looking out over the mixture of boats that lined the inlet, Jaymes finished a cigarette. The wind was blowing as she approached him, her hair being tossed around like leaves.
“Hey, Jay.” She hugged him tightly, and then pulled away.
“Thanks for being here.”
“No problem.” She winked at him.
“I’ve been thinking about what Megan told me,” he began slowly.
“About what?”
“That maybe I should see a counselor or something. I just don’t know. I really don’t feel comfortable bearing my soul to someone I really don’t know all that well.” He paused as several seagulls cried out over head. “I would rather talk with someone that is closer to me that has been through what I’ve been going through the last couple weeks. You know what I mean.”
“I think I’m catching your drift, Jay.”
“I remember you when you found out Roman had died. You were completely destroyed.”
“Yeah, I know. Wasn’t the best time of my life.”
“Well, I would feel better if you and I would meet to just talk over coffee or something. Help me through this and be my rock sort of.”
“Jay, you know I am always here for you. So are Chandler and Mitch, as well as your daughter and her mother. Megan as well.”
“I’m also starting to reconnect with my daughter.” He paused, wondering how much more he should say.
“There is something else you want to talk about, isn’t there?”
“I guess.” He shrugged. “When you finally accepted Roman’s death, how long before you and Chandler got together?”
“It was a couple years. I was still hung up on Roman though, comparing Chandler to him. Why do you ask?”
“I am having some old feelings stir over someone.”
“Dakota’s mom?” Georgia pressed.
“Yeah, I’ve never really stopped loving her I guess. But she could never compare to Ellyn.” He sucked in some air slightly. The wind calming slightly as he leaned against the wooden railing. “When I look at her, I find her just as attractive as I did when we first got together and I am just bothered by the fact that I want to be in her arms, but I think it is for all the wrong reasons.”
“You mean, that by taking Lacy back into your life, you feel like you are going to want her to be Ellyn, to take Ellyn’s place and you are afraid of that?”
“Yes, but also afraid that I am betraying Ellyn.”
“Jay, listen, okay? Only you will know when the time is right. When the time to bury Ellyn in your heart is right and comfortable. Until you can do that, you should not even entertain the thought of being with someone else until you do. It will cause some severe problems for both you and the person you get involved with.”
“I know that, it’s just that I feel alone right now and well Lacy and I had an intimate moment that Dakota caught us in.”
“Jay, it’s okay. You feel lost right now. You want to be comforted and loved, and feel that the only person who could give you that is Ellyn, but I think you are replacing the need and desire to be with Ellyn so bad that you are willing to settle, even for your daughter’s mother. Give it some time. Think about it, and really search your heart and find what will make you happy. It is good you want to move on, but you really haven’t dealt with Ellyn’s death fully.”
“That is what Mitch said when I talked with him the other day.”
“I honestly think you should take some time for yourself. Now, I’m not going to suggest for you to get away so you don’t have to face what you have to deal with, but go someplace where you can just be alone, and search out what it is you really want from life. You’re in a transitional period right now and everything is weighing down on you.”
“I’ve thought about going up to the cabin Ellyn and I have. We both haven’t…I mean, I haven’t been there for so long.”
“Then go, take time off work, and go to the cabin and just be there. Just you and you alone. I am sure your daughter will understand and I am sure Lacy will understand. Right now, it’s best that you do something or it is just going to eat at you and you will become so miserable.”
“Like my mother did when my father had passed away unexpectedly.”
“What do you mean?”
“I never told you, that’s right.” He took her hand into his and lead her over to a bench built out from a small square wall. “When my father passed away, she couldn’t eat, she couldn’t sleep. She just became an empty shell. It hurt me to see that she just stopped living, and I’m afraid that is exactly what’s going to happen to me.”
“Jay, if you ever in your life valued my life, my friendship and my opinion – I think you do have every right to be scared. Because if you don’t deal with it now, it will consume you, eat at you and then you will be nothing.”
“I know, it’s just how do I get on with my life?”
“No one can answer that question but you Jay. No one. Not me, not Mitch, not Megan, or your daughter or Lacy.” She paused, caressing his hand, “Not even Desiree or Chandler. This is something you have to do on your own and in your own time. Be grateful for what she meant to you, and how happy you were with her in your life. She still is there, I believe it. She is in your heart. Just listen to your heart and you will listen to her. Do you think Ellyn wants to see you like this, hurting and in pain?”
“Ellyn could never see me in pain.” For the first time, he smiled.
“I know. When you hurt, she hurt. When you cried, she cried.”
“Georgia, thanks. I may take that trip up to the cabin after all. To get away from everyone and everything and just be there and find that peace I need so badly.”
“Promise me one thing Jay.”
“What’s that?”
“You will come back.”
“I will, I promise.” Georgia and Jaymes hugged each other tightly and for the first time, she kissed him, not like a lover would kiss his mate intimately, but a friendly short kiss.
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